holla!!!

Dear diary,


It's only 4 days left before I'm going home for holiday.
Preparation???Hmm...I've bought few presents for my cutie and adorable Adam but I still don't know what should I buy for my two sisters as their birthday are just around the corner.
What should I buy for a sister who are turning 29th and 25th this year.
Arghh...lack of idea..
Honestly I'm not really excited to go back this time.
I don't know why.
Perhaps this is my first time going back during winter + spring holiday.
Those past 3 years I used to spent my spring holiday here.
Going vacation around Japan that's what I used to do but this time I'm going back home.
I do miss my family but a part of me ........................
Is like there's a hole or empty part in my heart.
By the way I'm listening to Selena Gomez's song while writing this entry.
Besides foster the people's song I do also enjoy Selena Gomez's song too.
A part of me thinks that this year might be the last year I'm here but I'm not ready yet to go home for good.
What should I do??What should I do??
Should I focus on my final year then later I think about my future or should I decide and think now what I want to do in the future???
Sometimes I do wish that someone can make decision for me.
Hmmmm...


By the way I miss writing so much.
I hope that I can write new entries in this blog continously.
I miss writing poems.
I miss debate too.
I miss writing short stories.
I miss dancing.
I miss everything that I've left since I came here.
I hope that I can enjoy those things this year.
And honestly I miss the old me.
The one who is reckless,fun,all out in everything she does,happy go lucky,the girl who is craving for knowledge,who loves to dress up and read.
Those characters fade away from myself few years ago and now I'm trying to be that girl again.
I'm not saying that I don't like the way I am now but I feel less stress when I be 'that' girl.


I'm turning 24 this year but there's still a lot about myself that I　don't really understand.
It should be that I had enough of confessions of teenage girl and should be more mature and think wisely but the truth is I don't really understand or know about what I really want in my life.
I want to get married and have my own child but I'm not acting like I really want all of those things.
I want to be happy with my love ones but I don't act that I really fight for my love.
I want to success in my life but I don't work hard enough for what I want.
I should work harder this year to achieve what I want.
It's easy to say and decide but it's hard to act like what we've said.
Although with all these dramas in life I need to act and decide for myself as in the '"it's up to me".
Happy Tuesday bloggers!!!
xoxo...